Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Moving On

We would have celebrated our 10th year this October.. what happened? She left ...


Well, before this happened, I had an idea that we're growing apart. She asked for space and I gave it to her. Thinking I needed it too and this would help our relationship. But as days and months passed by, I felt that I was the only one clinging on... she was slowly drifting apart. I tried my best to save it, I begged, I compromised, but she rejected them all. Said it wasn't time, and she said she has waited for me to change my ways and she grew tired of it. I was like.. you were giving me a timeline w/o my knowledge? I knew I'm not perfect but whatever flaws I had, I was more than willing to change them just not to lose her. She once asked me what were her traits that I hated most... I told her non.. because whatever flaws she had, I accepted them and were all part of her, so I loved them all...

But still, whatever conditions she set, I waited, and still trusted her.. that she's just going through a phase.. but I do have this feeling that someone less is getting in the picture..  Still.. I knew, she wouldn't be the type of person who would give us up easily.. and we've been together for almost 10 years!.. How else can someone else take my place?...

Web of lies and deceit followed.. it has been going for months and when I had the strength to confront her, she would still deny it.. But God has His ways of me finding out...

And I faced them both... although I thought I was prepared for this... it was still different than the one I've practiced over and over again...

I asked her to choose.. and she chose her.

So what else am I waiting for? that's my cue to end this all. She said she loves me more but she's happier with her... The fact that she already loves someone else has sent me to hell!

But after all  the heartaches.. what's there to keep?

I've been lied to, cheated on.. so what should I do next?

I have to accept the fact that it's over. that the girl I love for more than 9 years has died a long time ago. She gave up on me, on us, and threw everything we had. She would have stopped it. Things don't happen just cause.. it's because she has allowed them to.

This was what I have written on that day:

Today would have been our 10th year
We've always imagined to have a small celebration wherein we'd gather our families and closest friends to celebrate    A decade full of love and commitment. But today, instead of that celebration, we are but strangers living our separate lives away from each other.

I gave you my heart, my soul, my life.... Coz u said you were worthy and would be with me until the very end. So when the time came that you decided to leave, i was left with nothing... Coz u took them all away... Left me barely breathing....

Our relationship was never perfect, i wasnt perfect. But i tried to give everything that i could. Ive given my life... But still it wasn't enough to make you stay... I wasn't enough.

If one day our paths will ever cross again, i hope you'd tell me that you made the right decision. I hope you've found the happiness that i cant give you. I hope all the pain was worth it. I hope leaving me behind was all worth it. Coz if not, my sacrifice of letting you go would have all gone to waste. 

Please dont let that happen. I've set you free even if that means taking the life out of me... Just so you can live. I just hope you will do the best that you can to make all these worth it.
I've stayed away, i've endured the pain and loneliness... Please do your part and   Let me be....


I would not have wanted us to end like this. We would have been friends, we would have not hurt each other and those who loved us.. if only she has looked beyond my flaws and saw how I can love her and fight for her much more than she expected...

I believe that God sees everything. I know that I did my best, almost had no dignity at all.... and loved her even if my heart pleaded to stop already...

 I hope I would find the strength and courage to surpass all these. I have died a million times over for the same person. That person who did not respect me nor our relationship. That one person I trusted who would never leave nor cheat on me... and now she's the person who has given me so much unbearable pain...

One day i'll be better.. i know.. one day... i'll be happy again....



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